The Secret To Success In Courtship And Marriage, Sex And Happiness (Part 2)
It seems much easier to fall in love than to stay in love. --DR. KAREN KAYSER.
Would you want to marry in haste and repent at leisure? No, folk. May that not be your destiny. But you see, marriage is like a packed theater with some uninterested spectators wanting to get out, and other interested ones waiting outside, wishing to get in.
If you think though that marriage can solve all of your problems, you are mistaken. Ask a married friend. But it can give you a measure of security and satisfaction if you play by the rules.
But we forget the rules, before we rush into matrimony. And when a sailor forgets his navigation rules, he suffers a shipwreck.
You see, people enter into marriage relationships with little or no preparation. If you were entering the university for example, you will be asked to sit for a qualifying exam. You may even be asked to show other supporting qualifications like the TOEFL if you were heading for a U.S. university.
But these are small things compared to the permanent relationship of marriage. Yet the only requirement in the marriage registry is your signature. Nothing else.
However, there are dangers to watch out for just before you append your signature to that marriage certificate. And what are they?
Failed Expectations
People think of marriage as a kind of fiction story where the characters live happily ever after. But it is never so. Because the great expectation of your Sleeping Beauty or Prince Charming may turn out to be a bad dream. The love, attention and support that you badly craved before marriage may turn out to be a tale of rejection and disillusion.
Incompatibility
You may also discover after the marriage that both of you are poles apart -- with different interests. Those characteristics which were hidden before the marriage now becomes manifest. And it becomes a story of if I had known. (No thanks to mismatch and your beguiling mate!)
Conflict
Your Happy Valley or Fortunate Isles, now turns to be a battlefield of squabbling, fighting, and God forbid -- physical violence. The very sweet words, like honeycombs which were used to win your hand in marriage now become weapons of abuse and war.
Apathy
It may be that you will one day find yourself saying: I am no longer interested. And then the marriage drags on and on, like a factory worker tolerating a bad job -- to keep body and soul together. And one day, apathy turns to hate, and you find yourself telling your partner that the game is up!
Money
Do not deceive yourself thinking that money will make you happy. It does the opposite, says Paul Getty the American millionaire.
Now suppose there is bickering over money in a joint venture?
Or suppose your previously rich spouse now suffers financial misfortune? And you who were used to summer holidays in the Virgin Islands, and cruising in yachts in the Mediterranean now see poverty and hardship staring at you in the face? What will you do?
Parenthood
You may find out that the love you had for your mate now begins to drop when children start coming in. The reason may be that you no longer have time for each other, or your mate is now getting old. Is it time to sue for divorce?
Deceit
It may vex you to find out that you are living with an infidel, a betrayal of trust, and not a friend and confidant. Now, suppose you find out that your mate lied to you about his or her history before the marriage? Or what if you find that your mate was cheating on you -- committing adultery?
Sex
Suppose your partner starts depriving you of sex? Or what if sex, which was supposed for enjoyment now becomes mechanical? Some have even used sex as a bargain tool -- buy me a Swiss gold watch, and I will give you sex!
Some wives have woken up after the wedding day to find out that their husbands were impotents, or eunuchs. Husbands have also been told by their wives that they would die if they had sex together. Because they have husbands who satisfy their sexual desires in the spirit world! What would you call that?
Superstition
This may also affect your marriage depending on where you live. Barrenness, miscarriages, unseen attacks, deaths and broken marriages have been supposedly caused by wicked spirits. Does this bother you? Maybe not. But know that wicked spirits exist.
Inlaws
If you allow your inlaws to intrude into your family, they may ruin your marriage. Both of you are now one, and should be able to solve your marital problems without frequenting your parents, or relations for advice.
Friends
What kinds of associates do you and your mate have? Are they unwholesome friends? They will not help your marriage. Know that bad company can corrupt good manners.
These are some of the things may shipwreck a marriage. They may not be the case with your family. But know that there is no perfect family on this earth. So there must be one kind of problem or the other in your family. Now what are required to make a marriage successful?
(To be continued)
Copyright ) 2002, all rights reserved
About the Author:
ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best- selling book,
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. Download your copy and FREE excerpt at :
http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/10975
The above article is taken from a book of the same title, and the book is for sale. For contacts , mailto : controversialwriter@yahoo.com
About the Author
ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best- selling book,
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER.
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