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Trust in Marriage
A couple should trust each other in many ways. When they meet new people they are expected to be trusted not to wonder from a marriage. Not to have an affair or become involved with anyone else. Trust in marriage is also needed when keeping finances...
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Infidelity: How "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is a Cop-out
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: "I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We've grown apart. I can't stand the marriage....
Why Men Wont Commit To Marriage
A common reason why men wont commit could be due to their past. Men wont commit if they have witnessed their parents in the past arguing or rowing. Their childhood memories could be that of an unhappy one. They may not have been brought up in a...
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"Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?"
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team...
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Help! My Husband's Buddies Are Butting Into My Marriage
Ask the Marriage Maven: Help! My Husband's Buddies are Butting
into My Marriage
Q. My husband always wants to hang out with his "boys". He used
to hang out with them a lot before we got married, and I thought
that after we got married things would change and that he'd want
to spend more time with me. Wrong!
It would be different if they did something productive, but all
they do is sit around watching TV, playing video games, and
listening to music. None of them have wives or serious
girlfriends, except my husband-- so I know they talk about other
women, too.
We've only been married a year, and I already feel like we're
slipping into an old married couple relationship. A lot of
fussing--and not much good communication. I'm afraid we won't
make it past year two. What can I do to make him want to spend
more time with me?
J. N.
A. It is important that you and your husband spend a good amount
of time together, especially as you guys are still learning what
marriage is all about. But breaking up the boys club could be
disastrous to your marriage. So I would not recommend telling
your husband to cut his friends off completely, unless they are
encouraging him to be unfaithful to you or contributing to
addictive behaviors.
I know it can be annoying if your husband seems like he'd rather
spend time with his buddies instead of you, but you'll need to
give him some rope. Whatever you do, don't nag him about his
time with his friends and let it be a constant source of
bickering. Be clear that you want to spend more time with
him,
but let your actions be positive.
Here are three positive actions you can take:
1. Encourage the boys to meet in your house. Make his friends
feel welcome in your home, make snacks (if you like to cook),
and give them room to do their thing.
2. Suggest regular dates with your husband. Fill his social
calendar at least once or twice a week with a planned activity
that you two can share together. These dates don't have to be
expensive or overly involved. They can be as simple as a walk in
the park or coffee at you local coffee shop. You can initiate
until he feels the need to do more of the planning.
3. Another solution would be to set his friends up. I know that
it's a little sneaky and risky, but it can work. If they're just
two or three of them, have monthly mixers (or get-togethers) in
your home with them and some of your single girlfriends. Who
knows, they may hit it off, thereby freeing up some of your
husband's time.
A combination of these three suggestions, will probably work
best. They'll broaden your social life and deepen your
relationship with each other. I hope these ideas have been
helpful. I'm wishing you all the best in your marriage!
About the author:
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of
http://www.Married4Good.com Her work has appeared on
iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other
printed publications. Currently, she lives with her husband,
daughter and son in metro Atlanta and is writing a book on
marriage and relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.
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